the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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