All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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