i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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