he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
