god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
be right there i have to get my cape
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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