at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
