Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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