dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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