She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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