Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
