I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
