When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
