Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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