So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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