i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
