remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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