He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
