I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
