just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
