I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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