Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
