Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
