Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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