Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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