Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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