I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize