What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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