I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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