im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
