I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
