Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
