Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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