You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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