I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize