Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
