My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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