So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you will always have a special place in my vag
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize