you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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