I'm so fucking centered right now
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
