I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
