It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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