Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
