i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
