We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
