tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
