you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Couch. On fire.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
