I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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