It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
