party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
