Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
