I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
