Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
