The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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