The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh god it's open bar.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
