I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
