i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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