So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize