Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
