Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
