she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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