She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
