Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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