Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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