I think my fart just growled at me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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