i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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