I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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