i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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