all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
