This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize