would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
