U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize