I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
