Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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