their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you win again, gameday.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
