I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize