two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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