i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
