He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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