1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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