Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
