i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
